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D
E C E M B E R 2 0 0 5
Friday
2nd December 05
Nord Als, Denmark.
I think we
have all decided that travelling from southern airports
is really crap. Even though our flight from
Stansted to Esjberg is not until 12.45, we just can't
rely on being able to get there in time if we leave the
north in the morning.....such is the state of Britain's
roads.
As the guitars have to travel in flight cases and there
are 5 of us, we need two cars or a MPV (we will have to
look into this). Ade gets sandwiched uncomfortably
between 2 flight cases for 5 miles until we can meet up
with Roy at Sandbach. The journey to our Cambridge
travelodge is made less easy by the closure of part of
the A14, and this puts at least another half hour on the
journey. A few extra minutes were put on the
journey when we hit a roundabout that we couldn't find
the exit for. Derek was in the car with me, and we
circled the roundabout twice with Roy in hot
pursuit. I put my foot down and started to go
faster.....Derek and I howled as we circled the
roundabout many times, eventually coming right up behind
Roy and Eddie...I wish it was on film...it would have
looked great!
At the Travelodge check-in:
Staff member: " So you are a group!....What type
of music do you play?"
Me: "We are a Beatle
look-a -like band."
Dirk: "I really hate
you sometimes."
Roy and I drop everyone and the gear off at the Stansted
terminal in the morning and then drive the several miles
to the long stay car-park which is somewhere near
Colchester. When we return to the terminal by bus,
the others have checked in all the baggage and there is
only the excess for me to pay. This is
ridiculous... we are travelling with the bare minimum of
equipment and we are still charged £55 for being 10kg
over the Ryanair allowance. (the woman in seat number
12C's left tit must have weighed at least twice that!)
Roy and I were convinced that the check in staff told us
"Gate 14"...so were boarded the little shuttle
train to take us to the terminal. It turns out
that the Ryanair woman had a speech impediment and had
actually said "Gate 40". We were in the
wrong terminal...and there was no way back!!
Security are called, and we have to go through the
ludicrous rigmarole of being taken to the other terminal
by car. So rather like that episode of Mary Mungo
& Midge, where Midge accidentally gets put in a post
box......we get to see the "back-stage" area
of the airport. Roy is in
"apron-heaven"! We make the flight.
The sun is
going down as we touch down at Esjberg. Eddie
performs acrobatics on the luggage carousel, when he
discovers one of the bags has fallen off on the other
side of the belt. Fleming is waiting patiently to
meet us and informs us we have a 90 minute drive ahead
of us to Nord Als, through the most unchanging
countryside that Europe has to offer. We are all
really hungry, but there is no time to stop, we must
grab something when we arrive.
The venue is a leisure centre and we are playing in a
massive sports hall. It turns out that this is the
point of sale for tickets for the the Nord Als Festival
in the summer. (We are playing it in June 2006).
The idea is, that we play while people queue for their
tickets and get pissed, a popular Danish pastime.
Everything is all a bit rushed, but thankfully Ade is
here, so we don't have to worry too much about the
sound, he will take care of that. Our hotel is
adjacent to the leisure centre so we wig up in our rooms
and march over to perform our 70 minutes set at 8
o'clock.
I would love to report that the gig was a real hoot and
that everything was really rockin', but sadly I
can't. The 500 or so punters clung desperately to
the walls, like shy teenagers at a school disco
occasionally putting their brown beer down to applaud a valiant
effort from the band. Ade said the sound was
really good and we were really doing the business for a
while. He then commented that it was apparent that
we were losing a bit of interest in our performance.
It seemed
that once the show was over, the leisure centre was not
going to be the place to be. Dirk and I sussed out
that there was a place in town called "Pubben",
where we could seek alcoholic refreshment and "come
down" from the highs of the performance.
Fleming took us out in the van and we all eagerly
started drinking lager. Well.... we had a
laugh, and Dirk, Eddie and I got quite pissed. Roy
and Ade, made tracks back to the Hotel after an
hour. There was just enough left in the coffers
for us to get a taxi back to the hotel, fortunately we
had the address written down.... we had no clue
wherethefuckwewere! A common lager induced
problem.
The trolley with food, left for us at the hotel, was a
most welcoming sight, and the three of us made wonderful
sandwiches from Roy and Ades leftovers. We went to
bed, and I was drunkenly enthralled with the clock that
projected the time onto the ceiling of my room.
Dirk caught Eddie tiptoeing downstairs to polish off the
remains of the brown beer that was left in the jug.
Saturday morning......I feel like shit...Eddie is late
getting out of the room..... Why would ANYONE want to
drink lager?
Wednesday
7th December 05
Hilton
Metropole Hotel, NEC, Birmingham.
It's hard to
motivate myself to make a post a week after these gigs,
but for the sake of keeping the blog complete, I may as
well have a bash. Eddie has been known to come out
with the phrase "This fuckin' country!" once
or twice over the last few months...and we all sort of
feel the same way. A few years ago, we could have
done a gig here in Birmingham, traveled back home and
then set off for London late afternoon the following day
to easily make a 9 o'clock on stage in the city.
Not anymore. Unless we want to spend hours on the
motorway tomorrow, we will have to stay in this locale
overnight.
We arrive at the Metropole and head for our usual
parking place round the back of the function
suites. The off-hand security staff inform us that
it is no longer permissible to park at the back of the
hotel, we must off load and then park in the hotel car
park. Of course, the car park is full, but they
graciously allow us access to the contractors car
park. By the time I get to the dressing room after
parking, I am piss wet through.
Derek arrives shortly afterwards, but manages to escape
the rain.
This is a Christmas party for a large stationery
supplier. 500 people in the Kings Suite hell bent
on a 60's themed piss up. There is much interest
in the ice sculpture of a flacid cock. We will
only ever be secondary entertainment...but one gets used
to such things. I am sure that some of the guests
were impressed by our performance. It was pretty
painless for us, but were not coming off stage with any
kind of euphoria.
We are staying at the Days Inn at Warwick
Services. Travelodge have a check out time of
12pm. The Days Inn chain, which are slightly more
expensive, but do provide you with a corby trouser
press, insist on an 11am check-out. However, for
an extra £10, you can sleep an extra hour. This
is an example of everything that is wrong with
"this fuckin' country".... greed! I
wonder how many people take up this "offer"
and pay in advance for the little luxury. We
certainly were not going to.
Thursday
8th December 05
The
Bridge, London.
Roy and I
emerge from our room just before 12.....and give it legs
to the services to meet Eddie and Derek before anyone
has the chance to suss that we are 45 late checking out
and tries to slap some sort of fine on us.
We decide to make the journey to London last 6 hours
rather than pay the congestion charge. No one is
particularly bothered about walking round the city, so
we will just kill time in the services...it's all very
very dull.
The congestion charge is not applicable after 6.30pm so
we find ourselves skirting the zone until we can wander
in and find the venue. The Bridge itself looks fab
the way it is laid out for this party, but we can't help
but wonder who is going to be that interested in what we
have to offer. After a brief sound check, we all
wander off for a walk round the London Bridge area....
it's very pretty at night.
Our 70 minute performance comes and goes as most of the
corporate shows do these days and we find ourselves
heading back north to the joys of M6 congestion in the
early hours.
Friday
16th December 05
Nailcote
Hall, Berkswell.
It's
Christmas, so it's time for Nailcote and our cabaret
show. Nothing much new to report.
Sandwiches and the same loose board on the stage.
The evening finished with a pleasant discussion
regarding "Hey Jude", although there would
be more discussion regarding Adrians debit card a
little later, to which we were not party to.
Saturday
17th December 05
Nailcote
Hall, Berkswell.
Take 2.
More or less, exactly the same..........
The evening finished with another pleasant discussion
about "Hey Jude"
Saturday
24th December 05
The
Robin 2, Bilston.
Our last
show of 2005 and one which I believe we all
enjoy. The band plays very well tonight and is
received with the Robin's usual enthusiasm.
It's not been a great month and we all seem a little
jaded. It is a relief that we can still put on a
good show, but give us an audience, and we will
usually deliver the goods.
Happy Christmas!
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